The can't vs. the want to
Last year I started taking drum lessons. I often like to put myself in a student position mostly to remind me about and help me practice patience, humility and being present.
My teacher is a young man in his early thirties who has been playing drums since he was 13 years old. Needless to say, he rocks.
I knew I signed up to learn a new skill but what I didn't realize at the time was that I am about to get a whole lot of life wisdom from the process.
My coach once told me ”how you do anything is how you do everything” so learning to play the drums has been a great way for me to see how I show up in the world.
In my last session I was horrified to hear myself say the two words I never allow my coaching clients to say: ”I can't!” When my teacher instructed me to try a new beat (which he just beautifully played), a somewhat complicated Latin groove, I went into auto pilot and without even hearing myself say it, the words flew out of my mouth.
”I don't allow those two words to be said during a lesson” he said, ”if you think you can't do something and you say that out loud to yourself you just created your failure".
When we say ”I can't” what we really mean to say and are afraid to say it is ”I don't want to”. Fear will always come up and try to stop us and will bring with it the self critic who will stop you in your tracks. This happens a lot in business too. You may want to grow your business, you may talk about how much you want it to grow too but deep inside you are terrified of taking risks, of making mistakes and of failing so you think ” I can't ” and thus stay stuck.
If you find yourself thinking "I can't" but deep inside you know you want to try this process to help you get out of fear mode:
1. Catch yourself. Are you noticing the thought? Are you catching yourself in the act? Be more present to yourself and notice if "I can't" shows up and in which areas it does?
2. Consult your desire. Ask yourself ”do I really want to?” and listen to the answer. What do you hear?
3. Follow your desire. If your hear ”yes!” turn the ”I can't” into ”I want to” and that alone will motivate you and move you towards action. If your desire says ”no” than listen. Pay attention to what you are doing and if it makes sense for you to continue with it.
Many business owners waste time and energy on doing the wrong things to grow their business. They stay stuck thanks to ”I can't” thinking and look for answers outside themselves to solve their problems. That rarely works.
You have the power to create an amazing business if you wanted to. If your will and desire are strong and your passion is stronger ”I can't” would never have the space to exist. You would be taking more risks, trying new things and having more fun. If you lead your life and your business from a place of desire, not fear, you will find that it will always be much easier to move forward. Let your desire lead the way.